The complete communication kit

How to effectively communicate with my child - The complete communication kit

Good communication is the key to every successful relationship. As Anthony Robbins said, “The quality of your communication is the quality of your life.” When it comes to our relationship with our children, we need to make sure we use the complete communication kit. Using these tools will improve our relationships with them and teach them healthy communication skills to serve them in life, with their friends, colleagues, bosses, and life partners. 

Listening -

“The biggest communication problem is that we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply”(Stephen Covey). Listening is the first tool in our communication kit.  When we really listen to our children, it makes them feel that we are interested in them, that they are important to us. When we listen, we show unconditional love and acceptance; it builds mutual trust and increases the chance that our children will share with us even less pleasant experiences that happen to them. Here are a few Important principles for listening:

  1. Concentrate on listening, do not do other things at the same time.    
  2. Active listening requires a mental state of readiness.
  3. Listen and do not jump with tips and advice, and do not make the conversation be about you.
  4. Discover genuine interest and curiosity in what is being said.

Sharing -

No, I’m not talking about sharing toys. I’m talking about sharing secrets, thoughts, dreams, challenges!  To share is to make someone a partner; it gives a sense of togetherness. When I share something personal with my child, I signal him that I trust him. Children will not share anything with us if we don’t share with them, so start sharing about your day, about a challenge you had at work, about a funny dream you dreamt last night. That way, they will learn the language of sharing and begin to use it themselves. We can talk with our children about everything but make sure it’s age-appropriate. 

Brainstorming -

Imagine how our children will feel when we’ll ask for their advice, for their opinion on a specific dilemma we have. It is so empowering! “My know-all, super-smart experienced dad/mom is asking for MY advice?!” Not only will they feel significant, but they will also learn to come and consult with us.  We should ask for our young children’s advice on issues in which we can take their advice because young children do not know how to separate "me" from "my advice."

With older children, sometimes we will take their advice and sometimes we won’t. In this case, it is important to explain why we chose not to take their advice. When we consult with our children, the message is empowering: I believe you can help me, and I trust you!

Ask for help  -

Following the sharing and consultation. Someone who allows himself to consult and ask for help is strong, self-assured, and has a sense of self-worth. Such a parent is a model for his children. It is important to remember that when we ask for help from our child, from a place of equality and not from the authoritative position, he has the right to refuse. The trick is not to give up the child who says no or makes a face. The trick is that even if he makes a face but still helps, thank him - "Thank you for helping though you did not want to" or if he doesn’t help:  "I'm sure tomorrow you will help."  When we ask our children for help, we again send them a message that we are not "all capable," and sometimes we need help, and this teaches them to turn to us for help as well. 

For questions, consultation, and other tools - contact me, and I will be happy to talk or schedule a free 15min consultation call 

Everything Can Always Be Different!

According to Alfred Adler, "everything can always be different", and after the year we all had, this is GOOD news!

We can always choose our actions, reactions, responses, and the meaning we give to events that happen to us.

Changing our reactions will change our child's behavior and can improve our relationship with them and help them be more confident, independent, and responsible.

Let me share one thing that I decided to change in my parenting: My kids are very independent, but still, I find myself doing for them too many things that they can totally do for themselves, and by that, I'm taking away from them the opportunity to feel capable.

So this year will be about "letting go" and trust them to be even more capable and independent!

If there's anything you would like to change in your parenting, I'm here to help you do that! Schedule a free 15min phone call and let's talk! Click here to schedule


This morning as I was waiting for my car to be ready after a service, this thought occurred to me:
We take care of our car daily:
Refuel when needed (or charge it....), wash it occasionally (I personally can do better at that).
Still, every once in a while, our car needs more attention, it needs maintenance, and we schedule an appointment, clear a few hours and take it for maintenance service.
The same is true for our children!
We take care of them every day.
We prepare food, buy clothes when needed, etc.
But from time to time, we need to do this extra "maintenance" - spend time with each child, giving him/her our full attention, free from distractions.
Remember that it does not have to be expensive (as opposed to a car service ...); what matters is togetherness.
Take a break from the crazy race that is life and be with them.
Listen to them and give them the one thing they need most – us.
So I recommend everyone: check your schedule, set a time, and give each child this special attention (and better before all the warning lights start to light up, like in my car ....)
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Some studies show that kids smile an average of 400 times per day while adults smile only 20-30 times a day on average.

What a huge difference!
Think about your day and try to count how many times a day you smile at your children.
A smile can change how we start our day, how our kids will cooperate, and how they will feel.
Who wants to take on the challenge and start smiling more to his/her children?
You will be surprised at what a difference a smile can do!
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Setting Home Rules and Healthy Boundaries

Struggling with setting rules and boundaries? Here are a few tips:

⭐️A boundary that has value behind it will be easier to set. For example: "At our house, we eat only in the kitchen." If there's a value behind that rule (we want to keep our living room clean), then it will be easier for us to keep that rule. It's not "just because."

⭐️Positive language works better. "We only eat in the kitchen" sounds better than "we don't eat in the living room," and the kids are more likely to follow it.

⭐️Try not to have too many rules. Think about the most important values that you want to encourage in your house and set the rules based on them. Too many rules will make the children feel that they don't have control, and they will try to gain that control through power struggles.

⭐️Make the rules clear and known to all the members of the family.

⭐️Before setting a new rule, discuss it, and inform the kids what is expected of them.

⭐️When discussing a new rule, explain the logical consequences for not following that rule.

⭐️Don't be afraid of setting rules and boundaries. Your children need them to feel protected, guided, and that someone is showing them the way.

⭐️Having said that, keep some freedom within these boundaries. Let the children choose, wherever possible, within the rules you have set.

⭐️⭐️Remember – we set the rules and boundaries being firm but kind.


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Distance Learning

In most of my meetings these past two weeks, parents were talking about their concerns regarding distance learning.

They were upset because most of their mornings were spent arguing with their children, trying to teach them, and the bottom line is – there was not much learning going on.

These parents are frustrated.

They are tired.

Most of them try to work from home while helping their school-aged children or keeping their younger ones busy.

I hear the frustration in their voices. I know what their mornings look like, and the first thing I wanted them to understand is that the no.1 priority (always, but especially now) is the relationships with their kids.

It’s way more important than any school assignment.

Most of us were not born to be teachers.

The fact that you are not good at the new role you have now (a role you did not choose - to be your child’s teacher) does not say anything about how good you are as a parent.

Our children will make up for these missed days. They will learn to read and write, and they will know math. Our essential role and the thing we need to focus on now is building our relationships with them, connecting with them, making sure they are ok in this social distancing situation, and with the change in their routines.

So instead of arguing over another assignment that they need to turn in today, find a few minutes to sit together, hug each other, talk about anything that comes to your mind, encourage them, and laugh together.

Stay safe and healthy!

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Talking with your kids about the COVID-19

Talking with your kids about the COVID-19 (also known as “Coronavirus”):
1. Start by asking them a few questions – have you heard about this virus? What do you know about it? This way, you will know what they already know.
2. Tell them about the virus in short, show them that you are not panicking over it. Stay calm.
3. Talk about the things you can do to avoid getting sick: wash your hands frequently, sneeze into the elbow, use antibacterial gel when you can’t wash your hands, etc.
4. If your child tells you he is scared, don’t dismiss his feelings, offer him ways to deal with his fears – don’t be afraid to get creative!
Contact me for more info and tips!

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Flexibility - Willingness to change or compromise

I had so many plans for Sunday morning. Many tasks I didn't have time to complete during the crazy week we had, and I also wanted to have some quality family time.

In my mind, I had the whole day planned: I will finish all the house chores in the morning, we will have lunch together and spend the rest of the day somewhere as a family.


I'm not alone here. We have five members in the family, we all have needs, desires, wills, and plans in our heads…

My tweens (twins that are also teens) wanted to meet some friends and hang out with them at a local shopping center, and of course, they need a driver, and I'm not yet at the point of leaving them there entirely by themselves. It means I need to drive and stay there while they hang out with their friends.

I could be frustrated that the plans I had in my head are not going to happen, or to just say no to my girls, but I instead, we set together and made new plans for the day. Plans that will include all of our needs and wants.


To see the other and not just me. To understand the other's needs and not just mine.

Remember - children see children do.

Don't just talk with them about flexibility. Show them how it's done!

Heads Up!

Want your child to cooperate more? Give your child a heads up!

Knowledge is power! Knowing what's going to happen lowers uncertainty, gives confidence and increases the chances that your child will cooperate.

Think about it – we, the adults, have all the information about the activity we are going to do, but our children don't have it. Things that seem obvious to us are not at all for our kids.

It will reduce arguments, and there is a higher chance of getting our children's cooperation.

In which situations can the tool of "heads up" help? In every situation! For example:
⭐️Morning/evening routine
⭐️Family vacation
⭐️Starting a new school
⭐️Visiting friends
⭐️Before you enter a toy store to buy a gift for someone else
⭐️When you go grocery shopping and do not want to buy anything beyond what you have on the list
⭐️before starting new afterschool enrichment

How do we to it?

1. Present the general plans but leave space for our child to choose: "We need to go to the mall. What do you want us to do after we finish with the errands? Do you want to have ice cream or go to the park?"

2. Use positive language. Instead of: "Mom and dad are going out tonight, and unfortunately, you can't join us. Jen, the babysitter will stay with you, but you can't play after your bedtime" try: "Mom and Dad are going out tonight, and Jen, the babysitter, will come to watch you. Would you like to watch a movie with her or play games until your bedtime?"

3. Be attentive to your child's needs. Try to let your child find some interest in the planned activity. Remember - If your child does not feel well, tired, and what we planned is not urgent, consider rescheduling.

And sometimes, although we give them all the info, things don't always go smoothly.

Ultimately, we have no control over our child's behavior. We only have control over ourselves. If your child doesn't cooperate, or if he's frustrated, be empathetic to his feelings, remind him of your plans and keep your word.

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