Us Time

 

A few months ago I noticed a change in my oldest daughter’s mood. I tried to ask her what was wrong and she didn’t say much. It wasn’t that she was sad or acted out.. she was still behaving well like she usually does, and maybe someone else couldn’t tell that there was change, but as her mom, I noticed. I tried to remember if something had happened to her in the last couple of weeks, but couldn’t think of anything. So, instead of trying to figure out WHAT happened, I started to think about HOW I can help her feel better. Since I had no clue, I decided to ask her.

What I heard from her amazed me.

She asked if she could sit with me alone for couple of minutes. So, we did. We sat; she hugged me and said nothing. After a few minutes she asked me when can we have a few minutes alone again.

Then I realized that in our hectic busy life I don’t have one-on-one time with each child. Wherever we go, they are ALL always with me. I always need to split my attention.

That was the moment I decided to start our “us time” with each one of them (“us time” was my youngest’s idea for a short name for our one-on-one time). They get to choose what they want to do in our “us time”: My youngest prefers to read a book together (on top of the one we read in bed every evening). My oldest loves when we sit in her room and talk about this and that. My middle one loves to tell me about every little thing that happened at school that day.

Sometimes, I try to think of a nice, fun activity that I can do with each one of them in our “us time,” but most of the time, they are not interested in DOING. They just want to BE.

So, just as I do in my business meetings, at “us time” I come on time, I put my phone aside and I give my full attention to my child.

This “us time” is so important to our kids, no matter their age. They feel that they are worthy and that they belong. They each get my attention without fighting with their siblings and without the need to fight for my attention.

I know that finding time every day is not a simple task, but try to do it once or twice a week. Set aside a specific day and time and enjoy!

As for my oldest, once we started this “us time” her mood changed. She’s more relaxed and she has more patience for her siblings. She actually keeps her brother busy when I’m with her sister, for our own “us time”.