Sibling Rivalry – Do’s and Don’ts

Do's and Don’ts – Sibling rivalry

As parents, one of our main goals is to teach our kids to be independent and ready for life in the “real world." We need to let them solve their own problems, especially in the safe environment of our home. Every time you take sides, or try to solve their argument “…you set yourself up as an authority and the children learn nothing about co-operating, adjustment or fair play… When left to their own devices, children establish far more equal and just relationships than we can provide for them” (Rudolf Dreikurs, “Children: The Challenge”)

So here are a few Do's and Don’ts:

• Don’t take sides. In most cases, we weren’t there when the argument started, we don’t know the whole story, so we should not take sides.
• Tell your kids that you trust them to solve the issue by themselves.
• Don’t compare your children to one another. In most cases it won’t help, it will only add competition to their relationship which will make it even worse.
• Don’t label your kids. When we label one child as “brave”, in their eyes it automatically means that the others are not. This will increase the competition between them and often they will conclude that one of them is the “favorite” one.
• Enjoy each of your children’s individual talents and successes.
• Give them tasks that requires them to cooperate instead of competing.
• In most cases, they fight and argue to get our attention. Teach them they can get your attention in more positive ways.
• Give each child chores and let them be responsible for completing them. It will help them feel that they contribute to your household and increase their feeling of belonging.
• In the case of violence, you should split them apart and tell them that you will not allow violence in your home. After they chill out they can solve their argument by themselves.

Remember, sibling rivalry is only part of a very complicated relationship. Siblings also love each other, they laugh together, admire each other and they help each other out when in need.